ShitShow Showdown: The Fantastic Four (1994) vs. Fantastic Four (2015)

A bold choice for the 2015 reboot to rename the series ‘Fant- Four -Stic.’ Today two terrible, awful, loathsome, ridiculous, pathetic, shameful, lame and worthless movies go head to head for the title of worst Fantastic Four motion picture ever produced in the history of the universe. Of the three Fantastic Four origin story movies (including the 2005 […]

Pay the Ghost (2015)

Oh, Mr. Cage, how desperate you must be. While idly scrolling through an endless minefield of garbage Netflix content, I came across a title just vague and stupid enough to catch my attention. Pay the Ghost? What the hell does that even mean? As a horror/thriller film, the title should be enticing and mysterious, and while that […]

Pages of Death (1962)

Watch Pages of Death here! Hey you, down there! Time for one of those classic government-funded ‘duck and cover’ type propaganda short films! Designed to control the masses with fear, Pages of Death is a cautionary tale about the dangers of…. reading. That’s right kids, next time your parents tell you to go to your room and read, […]

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

Rrrrraaaawwwwwrrrrrrrmmmmphhhh. Romf The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978), runnnarrd Chewbacca ragggggggg, Mala (Mickey Morton), roarrph Lumpy (Patty Maloney), ran rumnnnnfffrrr Itchy (Paul Gale). Romgg eughhhhhhhphhh rom rum raaallllrrrrr. Romphhh rarrrrnnnnn runslughhnnff rowrrr ragggg! Rawwwhhhhhhh! Rowaraggg rrrawrr sromph romf rwrrrr. Romph rawrr rugnhhhhhllll, Kashyyyk, rammmmph regggg Wookies. Rommph rahmm, and then Mala finally calls Luke Skywalker […]

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

If you’ve never heard of Rifftrax, stop what you’re doing and look them up. Now. I owe a lot to the these guys; without MST3K veterans Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, I wouldn’t know about the magical little film Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. This is a tough one to sit through. In fact it would […]

Nestor the Long Eared Christmas Donkey (1977)

With a title like that, can you guess what this guy’s name might be? Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of nostalgic appreciation for the classic Rankin/Bass Christmas specials. To this day I still watch my favorites every Christmas season. Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass discovered their niche, that is, fleshing out classic Christmas carols with […]

Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

“It’s Christmas time!” “But Trebor,” you might be saying, “why are you skipping part 1 and jumping right into a review of the sequel?” Well imaginary reader, besides the fact that this is my site and I can do whatever the hell I want on it, the first half-hour of Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 […]

Gigli (2003)

Ben Affleck and J-Lo react to Gigli’s reviews. Time for some math. What do you get when you combine Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez with an incredibly shoddy script posing as a forward-thinking drama? Turn in your results, students, and let me grade your papers. That’s right everyone, the answer is Gigli (2003). This is the record-breaking film […]

I Am Here…. Now (2009)

No, that’s not a typo in the title, the ellipsis in this movie has four periods instead of three. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. I Am Here…. Now is directorwriterproducerstar Neil Breen’s second film undertaking, smack dab between Double Down (2005) and the unforgettable Fateful Findings (2013). In this film, Breen is credited […]

Double Down (2005)

In my review of filmmaker Neil Breen’s  Fateful Findings, I commended the man for understanding story structure, at least more than Tommy Wiseau does. Having now seen his first film, Double Down, I realize that I may have been mistaken. While there are a few surprising storytelling techniques present in Fateful Findings, Breen definitely hasn’t been […]